25 Characteristics of A Narcissistic Mother - What are they like? - Do you have a mother who always prioritizes herself over you and is never present? Does she constantly berate you and make you feel like you can never succeed? If this is the case, you may have a narcissistic mother.
Mothers are considered to have the greatest amount of unconditional love and selflessness.
Every rule has exceptions. Some mothers are the exact opposite of what a ideal mother should be.
These mothers can alienate your relationships with family and friends and make your life unbearable. If you were unfortunate enough to have a narcissistic parent, your life would be similar to or worse than before.
Table Of Content
- How Does A Narcissistic Mother Mother Behave
- What Narcissistic Mothers Do to Their Daughter
- What are The Signs You Were Raised by a Narcissistic Mother?
- 25 Characteristics of A Narcissistic Mother
- Bottom Line
As your parent and guardian, your mother has a significant role in the development of your child from the very beginning. If the mother's mental state is deficient, she will not fulfill her obligations. This has a negative effect on the child in multiple ways; the psychological damage is the most severe and long-lasting.
The long-term effects of this injury can be felt even after the child has grown into an adult.
How Does A Narcissistic Mother Behave?
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naive to the damage she is causing.
What Narcissistic Mothers Do to Their Daughter?
Narcissistic parenting is detrimental to the development of a child. Children of narcissistic mothers often become entangled with their parent, losing contact with their true self and growing up without boundaries or the capacity to recognize or nurture healthy relationships.
What are The Signs You Were Raised by a Narcissistic Mother?
Examples of this are:
- Conversations are always centered around them instead of you.
- They claimed credit for your accomplishments.
- They created conflict or drama in order to draw attention to themselves.
- They took every detail personally, even when it had nothing to do with them.
- They always had to outdo you when you achieved something.
But all is not lost for children of narcissistic parents. The first step in self-protection for a narcissistic parent is to identify their psychological condition. Because this is a mental health issue, you have to rely on behavioral patterns to do this. Watching for signs can help you recognize their narcissistic personality.
This article delves into the thinking of narcissistic mothers and highlights some common behavioral traits they share. Below are the main characteristics of a narcissistic mom for your easy reference and quick identification of narcissistic abuse.
25 Characteristics of A Narcissistic Mother
1. She doesn't respect personal boundaries.
Ignoring and crossing boundaries is one of the most common forms of abuse by narcissistic parents. The hard part is admitting her mistake because she doesn't see it as a mistake.She imposes her thoughts and opinions on you and sees nothing wrong with invading your personal space.
A narcissistic mother interferes in your life and creates disturbances in it, leaving you sad and anxious. If you notice this trait in your mother, chances are she has narcissistic traits.
2. She gives you conditional love.
Mothers all over the world are equated with unconditional love and selflessness. They will do anything to protect and provide for their children without expecting anything in return. For children, mothers provide a safe haven when the rest of the world becomes hostile. Your love is guaranteed.
If your mom is making conditions while showing you affection, that should be a red flag. When these conditions are solely for her benefit, you can demonstrate that she has a narcissistic personality. When their demands are not met, narcissistic parents often get frustrated and angry, and throw a tantrum. They even show vindictive behavior.
3. She plays the sacrifice card.
Even though she's been running your life, she's good at twisting things and playing the victim. She may have said or done horrible things, but she insults you for disapproving of her and presents herself as a victim.
The worst is when she does it consciously, on purpose, in order to keep the focus on herself. She's good at making you feel guilty or eliciting sympathy for her by changing the narrative. Even if she does or says hurtful things to you, she will blame you for misunderstanding her in turn.
4. She is good at fanning the flames.
How many times has your mother publicly rejected your account of events in which you were involved? It might make you wonder if you're crazy. You can't be accused of thinking that way because she gave you the gaslight, it's a natural consequence.
Psychological abuse is a weapon of choice for narcissistic parents. She lies without blinking to set you on fire. She would lie about being complicit in the matter. She will criticize your emotional reactions. If necessary, she even pretended the hurtful words weren't serious; they were just said in a lighter tone.
5. Her behavior is inconsistent.
She is unpredictable, to say the least. Her emotions are out of control, causing chaos everywhere. Sometimes she is a loving mother, and sometimes she is cruel, scheming, and vengeful. You're not sure where you and she stand at any given point in time. This makes your life difficult.
If she wants something from you, she will be nice to you. At other times, however, it will work against you. Since it's hot and cold, you may mistakenly think that your behavior is the cause of these wild swings.
You may believe that you aren't paying enough attention to her needs, this is causing her to feel bad and sad. In order to maintain her happiness, you will attempt to be on her side and lavish her with attention.
6. She is completely dishonest.
Do you believe everything your mother tells you? If this is the case, it's because you've observed her lying frequently. This is a common form of narcissistic abuse.
When things don't go as planned, a narcissistic mother will utilize deception and lies to cover her tracks or divert attention from the truth. They consistently strive to present an idealized image to the world.
7. She's biased.
A narcissistic mother is known to favor one of her children over the others. She not only admires them, but she also makes other children the scapegoat for the mistake of their favorite child.
She forces the rest of the family to assist, protect, and praise her favorite child even when they don't want to. Those who disagree with her will be subject to her wrath.
When her favorite child commits a crime, she will conceal it and let the offender off the hook. Her preferential treatment causes discord among her siblings, the favored child receives the majority of the mother's affection, others despise her as well as the child for this.
8. She is vindictive.
A narcissistic mother may attempt to portray herself as virtuous and honest. She's not. She's also known for her petty behavior. She often behaves like a child, getting upset over insignificant matters. She pretends that she's offended by your common words, when the language she uses with you is more aggressive.
You'll often observe her plotting revenge on others or seeking retribution. Revenge is her primary goal when she's displeased.
9. She causes discord in relationships.
In her attempts to be the center of attention, favoritism, create drama, and have a pity party, a narcissistic mother will ultimately harm her own relationships as well as those of others. In a family like this, siblings will have a difficult time having cordial relationships with each other.
Narcissistic mothers often exploit one child against the other in order to benefit themselves personally or to please one of them. Additionally, her habit of lying without remorse is detrimental to your trust in others.
10. She doesn't respect your opinion.
A narcissistic mother is so focused on herself that she cannot tolerate opposing opinions. If you disagree with her, she will devote all of her energy to undermining your credibility and your statements. She doesn't even bother to consider or acknowledge your ideas.
If you maintain your convictions and thoughts, she will attempt to ridicule and manipulate you in order to force you to agree with her. This is difficult for those who are independent.
11. She enjoys your suffering and pain.
She's your mother and is obligated to protect and defend you against others. She will attempt to drag you down at every opportunity, if you aren't the "Yes Ma'am" type. A narcissistic mother is best described as a vampire that sucks the life out of your emotions and vulnerability.
This is a characteristic that makes narcissistic mothers both sadistic and dangerous. She doesn't care about the damage she's causing you, at times she enjoys your pain and despair. She will discuss topics that are painful to you in order to see you struggle.
If she is caught in the act, she may justify this as a means to toughen you up or as a prank.
12. She blames you for her mistakes.
When she's wrong, she'll distort the truth to make you think that you're the one at fault. She often demands compensation for her errors and shortcomings. For instance, if she is obese and wants to shed pounds, she will deny you rich and fatty foods.
Her behavior toward you is primarily driven by the things she despises in herself.
13. She is unreliable and untrustworthy.
A narcissistic mother's attitude toward you is often inconsistent, which makes it difficult to predict what to expect from her. They are unsure of their love and support. You will have a hard time relying on or trusting her.
She deceived, shunned responsibility, and rarely fulfilled her obligations. However, she'll criticize you for your small errors. She utilizes you as a punching bag to release her anger and frustration. It's no wonder you have a hard time believing her.
14. She is clumsy and lacks proficiency.
Narcissistic mothers tend to portray a super-mother figure. However, in reality, they are far from this. They are not ordinary mothers. Because her mind is so occupied with manipulating others, she has difficulty focusing on taking responsibility for herself.
For instance, she can't assist you in selecting the appropriate prom dress or present because she lacks a true understanding of your true self.
15. She criticizes and faults you.
Praises are rare from a narcissistic parent. She will praise you occasionally, but she does this primarily to obtain something from you, rather than sincerely. If you're on the wrong side of her, she'll do everything in her power to ridicule and mock you.
She has no problem throwing you under the bus or trashing you in front of others if it benefits her.
16. She constantly compares you.
She may compare you to your siblings, other children, or even herself. She doesn't care about how this is affecting your confidence or self-esteem. She enjoys making you feel bad.
17. She is unsure and fearful.
Insecurity is a primary characteristic of a narcissistic mother. She lacks self-confidence, so she acts in ways to make herself feel better. This is often accomplished by abusing her position in the family and exercising her authority and control over her children.
18. She makes you assume the role of a parent.
Her behavior is immature and erratic, as a result, you must exhibit more maturity in your interactions with your mother. For example, she may neglect to provide food or medical care to you. She may even deny you lunch money when she learns that you're making money through odd jobs.
19. She enjoys having you follow a short leash.
She utilizes her authority and control over her victims to satisfy her enormous ego. By inflicting punishment for minor errors, she frightens you and gains complete dominion over you. You are not permitted to think or act on your own without her permission.
20. She deceives you.
Another common attribute of narcissistic mothers is that she utilizes this as a means to obtain what she desires from you. Manipulation can be overt or subtle, but narcissistic mothers engage in this behavior in some form or another.
21. She's adept at explaining her actions.
Everyone is imperfect and has flaws in their behavior. Everyone makes mistakes occasionally. Parents are not exempt from this. When children acknowledge their mistakes, conventional parents apologize and take it in stride. However, not narcissistic parents.
She is incapable of accepting criticism, positive or negative, constructive or not. Frequently, this will cause her to become enraged and lash out, she will then become spiteful when you criticize her.
22. She is selfish.
She is so self-centered that she is preoccupied with herself and her own satisfaction and happiness. She's always concerned with herself. As a narcissist, she enjoys the attention and spotlight. However, the fact that she does this to you at your expense makes it worse.
She's the type of individual who enjoys celebrating special occasions in order to remain focused. She enjoys celebrating her birthday, but when it comes to yours, she disregards it as a waste of time and energy.
23. She only treats you nicely in public.
As a narcissist, she displays a Jekyll-Hyde-esque narcissistic personality. Only in the public eye can you see your good side. In private, she'll either ignore you or be mean to you, depending on her mood and situation.
24. She thinks you are her rival.
A narcissistic mother always wants to flaunt her power and superiority. She can't stand being inferior to you. This makes them very competitive. For narcissistic parents, this can be traumatic for the child.
In order to maintain her superiority over you, she will drag you down and sabotage your chances. She'll call you vain, selfish, idiotic, and not dominant.
25. She clamps you in a vise.
It doesn't leave you an inch of space to think for yourself or make your own decisions. Wanting to control is the hallmark of a narcissist.
Every time you attempt to escape her grasp, she becomes more agitated and violent. She will reverse the situation and accuse you of ignoring her. She will guilt-trip you to get her way.
Many of these characteristics are present in both a narcissistic and non-narcissistic parent. If you want to recognize these traits in your mother, you should be able to identify more than one and the signs should be present consistently. Also to take into consideration, signs like controlling behavior, sadism, and manipulation are more indicative of narcissistic abuse.
Once you've identified that your parent is narcissistic, you can take steps to protect yourself, depending on your age, your dependency on them, and the presence of an equal or superior authority in your life.
Remember that mothers can be harmful and can adversely affect you. You have every right to protect your interests from narcissistic abuse. Attempting to reason with narcissistic parents is futile. However, this is detrimental. Try to keep a distance, if nothing else does.
Additionally, you can discuss your concerns with a trusted individual.
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